Drowning

I am numb and drained out. I am immobilized. I could be in the middle of a road and I would still feel no one’s reach or touch. I have been yearning for solitude. I have been avoiding every person who cares for me or vice versa. In fact, I can’t even reach out to them even if want to. I know i am depressed. Depression is an animal that thrives when you are in isolation. It feeds of your darkest thoughts. It is ravenous at all times. It drives away anyone or anything that challenges it. It shall literally paralyze you rather than allow you feel anything at all.

How do I live with this parasite? How do I help that one soul that needs me more than ever. This move was for him. But, it has been the hardest for him. He has been content with whatever time/energy we are able to spend with him while we are busy sorting the essentials. I am afraid. Genuinely afraid that, may be my optimism was just an escape route in not dealing with reality. With no secure place to vent myself or souls with whom i can outpour i am running on those dark alleys late in the nights. Shouting at the top of my voice that gets drowned by fast moving cars.

I start being cagey and anxious. Now, our friend bears his ugly head and pushes me to consider violent options. Wishing for far reaching thoughts that may drown me in the sea of forever melancholy. Fortunately for our friend, I can’t swim. So may be the end is near or will it be another near death experience like the last time.